Godzilla and Scrooge Play Nice

Sometimes

Can a 4-year-old and an 18-month-old be playmates? It appears it is possible, but may be accompanied by some scuffles and lessons learned. In the last couple months, T has achieved a level of mobility and attention span that has made him a more interesting (and interested) playmate for B. Trouble is, sometimes B has the patience of a saint and good naturedly adapts his game to T’s focus and activity level, but sometimes he doesn’t. Not that he should have to. But is it unreasonable of me to wish I could submit requests for peaceful playtimes in order of priority?

Godzilla

As toddlers are wont to do, T very much enjoys knocking things over, emptying things out, and otherwise exerting control on the world around him. Often, these kind of physical activities appeal to B as well and my only concern is where to draw the line on rough-housing. But when T “exerts control” on the train track B assembled or the “garden with a bird’s nest” B built with trio blocks, T begins to resemble Godzilla.

Scrooge

I must begin by assuring you, B is not Scrooge-like in general. Most of the time, he is kind and generous to his brother and anyone else around. He insists upon equality and fairness for T in turns on the slide, craft supplies on the table, or cookies on the plate, usually. But there are moments, often preceded by the Godzilla behavior noted above, that B becomes downright Scrooge-ish. Suddenly (and always temporarily) T cannot touch, get near, or even look at anything that B might consider playing with now or in the foreseeable future.

Trying Not to Intervene

I try not to jump into the squabbles right away because I want them to learn problem solving skills and strengthen their relationship (and because I do have other things to accomplish in a day). The main reasons I do find myself refereeing: when toys involved are large enough that Godzilla begins wielding them as weapons or when Scrooge gets so emotionally wrought that he lashes out physically. Most often, a temporary separation is enough to redirect T’s attention and/or help B remember that even a bull-ish playmate is more fun than playing solo.

The Bright Side of Sharing

A fun book for helping children hone the social-emotional skill of sharing is The Boy Who Wouldn’t Share, by Mike Reiss. Written in playful rhyming couplets, the text tells the story of Edward, a boy who refuses to share anything with his sister Claire. He hoards toy after toy until at last he is trapped beneath them. The humor of the rhymes is further emphasized by the bright and exaggerated illustrations of David Catrow. When mom arrives with a treat, she gives it all to Claire since Edward is no where in sight. Which brings us to my favorite line in the book:

“And Claire, who did not hold a grudge, helped him out and gave him fudge.”

 After which, the spat is resolved and brother and sister enjoy the day playing together. There is more to the moral than Edward’s discovery that being greedy left him trapped and fudge-less. What anyone could stand to be reminded of is Claire’s lack of grudge. While I don’t hesitate to encourage sharing, it is more important to me that both boys learn that playtime may have its ups and downs, but grouchy moods are fleeting and there’s always more fun to be had.

Appropriate for toddlers, preschoolers, primary grades.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on sibling playmates! And I do love your book suggestions too!

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How to Adjust to a New Baby Brother

I’m a Proud Mama

Lately I’ve been admiring what an amazing big brother B is. Sure, we have frustrating moments, like when he needs me to find the race car with the blue stripes and the hood that lifts up right now, which is just as T has decided he needs to nurse right now. But by and large, he is one impressive brother! He is kind; if T is getting antsy on a car trip, B will sing him a song. He is generous; he has not complained, even once, about sharing a toy with T (we’ll see how long that lasts). He is protective; he checks the floor carefully before T plays to make sure there’s nothing dangerous he could put in his mouth. And best of all, he just likes to have his brother around; he begs for T to take a bath with him or lay in bed together while we read stories. I’d like to say this is all the result of some amazing parenting, but I’m proud, not arrogant, and I am just thankful that B has been blessed with such a lovely personality.

A Nudge in the Right Direction

The one thing I can claim to have done to foster this big brother relationship is to prepare B for T’s arrival. We didn’t jump the gun – due to B’s age and lack of the concept of months, we didn’t even talk about the new baby until I was about 7 ½ months pregnant. Uncertain of how to make it comprehensible to him, I of course turned to books. We checked out about a half dozen library books about babies and pregnant mommies, and several were helpful, including Mama Outside, Mama Inside, I'm a Big Brother, and What Can Our New Baby Do? However, my favorite is one we came across by accident perusing the shelves: I Used To Be the Baby, by Robin Ballard. This book presents some of the possibly challenging sibling scenarios: sharing toys, car rides, feeding time, among others, and shows what a great big brother (or sister) can do to make things easier. For example, when baby is sad in the stroller, big brother holds his hand, and when baby tries to eat books, big brother gets out the baby books and reads to him! Love it! There are no shoulds here, just positive examples and great discussion starters.

Making your own Transitions

Books are excellent tools to ease transitions and help that social-emotional development along when children are facing a new experience or chapter in their lives. I Used to Be the Baby is a tool you can use with toddlers and preschoolers who are may be challenged to think about the needs of a baby, especially because developmentally, the world still revolves around them. The responses of the big brother in this book are not necessarily the only appropriate responses. I used this book to talk about options with B, and I asked him to come up with some of his own alternatives. One of his suggestions: instead of being quiet when baby is napping, we can play outside! No book will make a child a good big brother or sister – but the conversation generated by this one might help make the transition easier for everyone.


Appropriate for toddlers, preschoolers, primary grades.


What other transitions have you and your child been challenged by?




I’m linking up with Janna @ The Adventure of Motherhood for Feed Me Books Friday. Check out other great reads there!
I've also linked this post to "Meme's the Word!" on Saturdays at Lemon Drop Pie.

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